The Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a badattitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity.John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music, and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up, and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelledback. John shook the parrot, and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird, and put him inthe freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.Then suddenly there was total silence. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door tothe freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intendto do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

Irish Sex Fairy

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.

3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.

4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps or jogging 20 blocks and you don't need special sneakers!

5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.

6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!

7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10 times more effective than Valium.

8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food fro m the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.

9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.

10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

Benjamin Manry and the Curse of Blood Bones

After long deployments away from home; my mother normally brings home gifts from her travels. This time it was something to my nephew and I could share. She told me she had the opportunity to work with a unique individual named Owen Palmiotti. He wrote a book in which he was kind enough to give to us a copy. I could not have been more thrilled or honored. My nephew was sheer excited to see a skull and cross bones on the cover. Curses and pirates are right down his alley for reading material. The book is titled "Benjamin Manry and the Curse of Blood Bones". I understand the book will be the first of a series. I have read a few pages already and so far the story is great; so, I decided to pass on the good news. If you decide to pick up a copy; I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Myths

You should drink at least eight glasses of water a day

This advice, often found in the popular press, probably originated from advice given in 1945 stating that a suitable allowance of water per day for adults is 2.5 liters which is 10.14 cups. The statement also added that most of this quantity is found in food -- but that part seems to have been forgotten. Thus, it's interpreted as eight glasses of water a day. Remember, drinking too much water can actually be harmful, resulting in water intoxication, hyponatraemia and even death.

We use only 10 percent of our brains

Erroneously credited to Albert Einstein, this myth is cited by everyone from physicians to comedians. But they're wrong! MRI and PET scans show that there are no dormant, inactive areas of the brain. Detailed probing of the brain has never revealed the non-functioning 90 percent.

Shaved hair grows back faster, coarser and darker

Clinical trials conducted as long as 80 years ago show that shaving has no effect on hair growth. More recent research proves that shaving doesn't affect the thickness or rate of hair growth. Because shaved hair lacks the fine taper seen on the ends of unshaven hair, it can appear to be more coarse. In addition, new hair hasn't been lightened by the sun, so it seems to be darker than existing hair.

Reading in dim light ruins your eyesight

Moms have long maintained that children who try to postpone bedtime by reading under the covers with a flashlight will need glasses. That's not true. Poor lighting can make it seem as if your eyes can't focus and it makes them feel dryer, but in fact such light won't permanently harm your eyesight or damage the function or structure of the eyes. Any discomfort or strain is only temporary.

Eating turkey makes you drowsy

Scientific studies do show that tryptophan, which is an amino acid present in turkey, is involved in sleep and mood control and can cause drowsiness. However, turkey doesn't contain enough tryptophan to knock you out. Bet you didn't know this: Turkey, chicken and ground beef contain nearly equivalent amounts of tryptophan, while pork and cheese have more than turkey! If you're sleepy after eating turkey, chances are you ate a lot more than just the meat. Any large meal can make you sleepy -- with or without turkey.

Clay Balls

A man was exploring caves by the Seashore. In one of the caves he found a canvas bag with a bunch of hardened clay balls. It was like someone had rolled clay balls and left them out in the sun to bake. They didn't look like much, but they intrigued the man, so he took the bag out of the cave with him. As he strolled along the beach, he would throw the clay balls one at a time out into the ocean as far as he could. He thought little about it, until he dropped one of the clay balls and it cracked open on a rock. Inside was a beautiful, precious stone! Excited, the man started breaking open the remaining clay balls. Each contained a similar treasure. He found thousands of dollars worth of jewels in the 20 or so clay balls he had left. Then it struck him. He had been on the beach a long time. He had thrown maybe 50 or 60 of the clay balls with their hidden treasure into the ocean waves. Instead of thousands of dollars in treasure, he could have taken home tens of thousands, but he had just thrown it away! It's like that with people. We look at someone, maybe even ourselves, and we see the external clay vessel. It doesn't look like much from the outside. It isn't always beautiful or sparkling, so we discount it. We see some people as less important than others that are more beautiful, stylish, well known or wealthy. But we have not taken the time to find the treasure hidden inside that person. There is a treasure in each and every one of us. If we take the time to get to know that person, and if we ask God to show us that individual the way that he sees them, then the clay begins to peel away and the brilliant gem begins to shine forth. May we not come to the end of our lives and find out that we have thrown away a fortune in friendships because the gems were hidden in bits of clay. May we see the people in our world as God sees them in his eyes and heart? I am so blessed by the gems of friendship I have with you. Thank you for looking beyond my clay vessel.

My Heartaches

There is not a day that I don't think about them because I know I don't want to forget.

It’s coming up on a year since my family and I suffered so much pain. At one point in time; we were a very close family. Now it seems things have changed.

My Aunt Karen found peace in her faith. The love in her heart shined brightly for others to see. Her patience to listen too and the keen advice she always offered was wonderful. She was a great wife and an incredible mother to her children. She was one of 7 children, 4 brothers and 2 younger sisters. Being able to share our lives with her was absolutely a wonderful. After being diagnosed with stage four, cancer; we were blessed to have her for another 12 years. Last July, her lung collapsed and the cancer was no longer in remission. Everyone was prepared when Karen took her last breath on Thursday, July 24th, 2008

Almost three years ago I watched my nephew, Anthony Cole come into this world and while visiting his grandfather in North Carolina he fell into their family pool and the water quickly filled his lungs. His little body was not strong enough to hold on. On Monday, July 28th, 2008; just four days after suffering the loss of my aunt; I received a hysterical phone call from my sister to tell me that my nephew was gone. I nearly lost my mind. How was I going to explain this to Anthony’s older brother Jonathan who was only six years old at the time and how was I going to tell my mother?

The what if’s and blames started to fill my head. I know now that it makes no difference to have those types of thoughts. I look back and think about the incredible memories I have of both of them and I want to feel joy but my sorrow continues to grow.

Anthony’s second birthday fell on Jonathan’s last day of school in the 1st grade. I let him play hooky so they could spend the day with each other. We had a small family party and Anthony shared a few of his first words along with a few loud YEAHS! Everyone was there and we were all happy. It is incredible how quickly life turns around.

If there is one thing I want to stress from this experience; it’s that there should be a gate around any pool with an alarm on it when there is no supervision. It was only a matter of minutes for everything to change.
I’m just really upset and I find it comforting to write sometimes.

One Flaw in Woman

By the time the Lord made woman, He was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?" And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart -and she will do everything with only two hands." The angel was astounded at the requirements. "Only two hands!? No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish." "But I won't," the Lord protested. "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days." The angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her so soft, Lord." "She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish." "Will she be able to think?", asked the angel. The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate." The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one." "That's not a leak," the Lord corrected, "that's a tear!" "What's the tear for?" the angel asked. The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride." The angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing." And she is! Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or email you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give. HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.